clockwrkheart: Cupcake with Purple Flower Icing (Default)
2019-09-17 11:47 pm
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Obligatory Intro Post

Gonna try to revive this journal I made back in 2013 so I have somewhere to rant about feels and frustrations. Hoping putting my thoughts down will help with my moodiness. 

Disclaimer: if you're reading this and you think I've mentioned you in some way and you get butt hurt about it, it's not my problem. It's my journal and I'm gonna say whatever I want. Don't want hurt feelings? Don't read someone's journal. Keep your butt hurt to yourself like I'm trying to keep my ranting to myself. I'm not giving this journal info out to anyone, so if you know me and you're reading it, that means you sought it out to be nosy. So read at the risk or your own hurt feelings. 
clockwrkheart: Cupcakes with Broken Glass Candy (broken glass)
2015-12-09 07:42 am

Just Watch His Wildest Dreams Come True

 A update on my last post: 
 
So not only is her profile pic on FB a picture of her and my husband, now her Twitter picture is as well. I feel like she's doing this shit on purpose and I spend every day in a mildly seething rage. 
 
But thankfully, seeing as he's my husband, I have the ability to talk to him about what i’m upset about. And said conversation is going to include asking him to not take pictures with her, like ever again. And also not to get the mail with her anymore, and just generally keep her at a distance. 
 
I’d rather it not have to come down to me flat out telling her that making someone else's husband your profile picture is HIGHLY INAPPROPRIATE, but we’ll see. I feel like that's common sense, but apparently it's not. 
 
clockwrkheart: Cupcakes with Broken Glass Candy (broken glass)
2015-11-24 03:03 am

Not One of Them Involving You

Lemme preface this rant; I am an extremely jealous person when it comes to my husband. When we were younger, I was a nightmare and I applaud him for sticking with me thru it all. Now I am a far less jealous and controlling person. 
 
But there are some things that are NOT OKAY. Main example, a mutual friend making her Facebook profile picture and picture of her and him together. Now maybe it's just my jealousy rearing back up after years of hibernation, but how is that okay?? I would never, ever dream of doing something so blatantly disrespectful. 
 
The picture itself is perfectly innocent. It's just two friends making faces, but the act of setting it as her profile picture is what pisses me off. It's like a subtle jab of “Look at me with this great guy.” Yes, that is a great guy. That MY great guy. The man I married. If you want a guy to pose with in your profile picture, find one of your own. 
 
There are a lot of other things that rub me the wrong way too, like how she always insists on trying to “photobomb” his and my pictures together like it's funny, or how she'll try to take selfies with him as soon as I’m done or how she always makes him walk to get the mail with her. (It doesn't take two people, obviously.) But I let these things go, because I know I am overly jealous and can be too suspicious. I know these are innocent actions, even if I don't like them, that doesn't make them wrong. 
 
But this profile picture thing is unacceptable. I get mad just thinking about it, so of course I’m pretty much always mad because I see her multiple times a day. But I can't say anything about it because then I’m psychotic, a jealous bitch. I’ll be the bad guy, my hurt feelings and feelings of betrayal won't matter, because her feelings will be hurt if I say something, and her feelings will be more important. 
 
So I'm stuck in a seething rage hoping she'll change her photo soon. But seriously, how is it okay to set a picture of you and SOMEONE ELSE’S husband as your profile picture. It's not okay. If that makes me a bitch, then so be it. 
 
The up side to it all is that we’ been having a lot more sex. He's also home more now, so that helps too. I really wish I could leave lots of evidence behind, remind the whole world he’s taken, but alas, jobs prevent that. 
 
clockwrkheart: Halloween Cupcakes (halloween)
2015-10-14 02:19 am

Pumpkins Scream in the Dead of Night

 With Halloween finally almost here, there's all sorts of awesome decorations and stuff that would be perfect for my Halloween bedroom. Except, the bedroom isn't painted all the way. We have one orange wall and one sort of finished dark grey wall, but the other two are still ugly not grey blue. We're two weeks into October and every weekend I say "We should work on the bedroom this weekend." And the husband half-heartedly agrees, like I'm asking him to do something awful and miserable. Maybe I am, but that's not the point. It's his bedroom too, he should want to be able to sleep in a nice finished, clean space. But instead he plays video games or does other chores that he deems more important and Halloween draws closer and my bedroom sits unfinished. 
 
Don't get me wrong, I get that he works all week and deserves free time, but it's not like I spend all week doing nothing. I cook, I clean up after the three of us, I edit, upload, schedule and annotate all of our YouTube videos. I make all the title cards. I make sure all the bills get paid and make sure there's groceries in the house. So I'm not spending my time doing nothing. And even if I was, I can't finish the bedroom on my own because I'm disabled. 
 
And it's like this with everything. Nothing actually gets finished. The guest room is literally half painted and there's furniture sitting in the garage for it from a year ago. One could call the game room finished, I guess, but the led lights need to be fixed or replaced and he always says "I need to do that this weekend." But he never does. I'm willing to make time to do all of these things whenever he is willing to do it, but he's not willing to make time. I don't know if it's conscious or unconscious but it's really frustrating. I ask him to work on these things every single weekend and nothing ever gets done and it drives me crazy. 
 
He doesn't even do things he wanted to get done. The first thing we bought for the house were surround sound speakers but he's never bothered to put those up. And he's always going on about how he wants to organize all the cords for the game systems downstairs but "it'll take a few hours" so he never bothers to start. I understand procrastinating, I do it all the time but I don't understand how we can live here for over a year and the only room that could be called finished is the game room. A YEAR. He can't take a few hours to organize his gaming cords in a year? That doesn't make any sense. 
 
And whenever I bring any of this up, it's the same old "you're right, we need to do that, let's work on it this weekend," but then it doesn't happen. I say "you wanna work on something" and it's "we'll do it tomorrow" or "in a little while" and it never happens. I don't know what to do to get these things done and it drives me to tears. I'm crying just typing this out. Why is having a home that's "ours" so unimportant to him? Why doesn't putting effort into our home matter to him? Is he unhappy here? Is he unhappy with me? I don't understand and I can't even talk to him about it because he just brushes me off like its nothing. 
 
I just want our house to be "our house." I want it to be clean, decorated, an enjoyable environment. I'm not even gonna get started on how frustrating it gets that we all (myself included) leave our things lying around and don't put things away when we're done with them. We're adults. It's not hard. It's like, stop leaving things all over the living room kitchen, put things away when you're done. I'm 28 years old (husband is almost 29, roommate is 25), I should not have to make this conscious of an effort to remember to put my things away. It should be natural. For all of us! 
 
It all comes back to the same complaint though. I want a clean, tidy, unique and enjoyable environment and I don't want to have to do it all by myself or harass people into doing their part. I don't know why that's so much to ask. Maybe I'm the only one who cares about our home and making it nice and keeping it clean. I hope that's not true, but it really feels like it.