clockwrkheart: Halloween Cupcakes (halloween)
ClockWrkHeart ([personal profile] clockwrkheart) wrote2015-10-14 02:19 am

Pumpkins Scream in the Dead of Night

 With Halloween finally almost here, there's all sorts of awesome decorations and stuff that would be perfect for my Halloween bedroom. Except, the bedroom isn't painted all the way. We have one orange wall and one sort of finished dark grey wall, but the other two are still ugly not grey blue. We're two weeks into October and every weekend I say "We should work on the bedroom this weekend." And the husband half-heartedly agrees, like I'm asking him to do something awful and miserable. Maybe I am, but that's not the point. It's his bedroom too, he should want to be able to sleep in a nice finished, clean space. But instead he plays video games or does other chores that he deems more important and Halloween draws closer and my bedroom sits unfinished. 
Don't get me wrong, I get that he works all week and deserves free time, but it's not like I spend all week doing nothing. I cook, I clean up after the three of us, I edit, upload, schedule and annotate all of our YouTube videos. I make all the title cards. I make sure all the bills get paid and make sure there's groceries in the house. So I'm not spending my time doing nothing. And even if I was, I can't finish the bedroom on my own because I'm disabled. 
And it's like this with everything. Nothing actually gets finished. The guest room is literally half painted and there's furniture sitting in the garage for it from a year ago. One could call the game room finished, I guess, but the led lights need to be fixed or replaced and he always says "I need to do that this weekend." But he never does. I'm willing to make time to do all of these things whenever he is willing to do it, but he's not willing to make time. I don't know if it's conscious or unconscious but it's really frustrating. I ask him to work on these things every single weekend and nothing ever gets done and it drives me crazy. 
He doesn't even do things he wanted to get done. The first thing we bought for the house were surround sound speakers but he's never bothered to put those up. And he's always going on about how he wants to organize all the cords for the game systems downstairs but "it'll take a few hours" so he never bothers to start. I understand procrastinating, I do it all the time but I don't understand how we can live here for over a year and the only room that could be called finished is the game room. A YEAR. He can't take a few hours to organize his gaming cords in a year? That doesn't make any sense. 
And whenever I bring any of this up, it's the same old "you're right, we need to do that, let's work on it this weekend," but then it doesn't happen. I say "you wanna work on something" and it's "we'll do it tomorrow" or "in a little while" and it never happens. I don't know what to do to get these things done and it drives me to tears. I'm crying just typing this out. Why is having a home that's "ours" so unimportant to him? Why doesn't putting effort into our home matter to him? Is he unhappy here? Is he unhappy with me? I don't understand and I can't even talk to him about it because he just brushes me off like its nothing. 
I just want our house to be "our house." I want it to be clean, decorated, an enjoyable environment. I'm not even gonna get started on how frustrating it gets that we all (myself included) leave our things lying around and don't put things away when we're done with them. We're adults. It's not hard. It's like, stop leaving things all over the living room kitchen, put things away when you're done. I'm 28 years old (husband is almost 29, roommate is 25), I should not have to make this conscious of an effort to remember to put my things away. It should be natural. For all of us! 
It all comes back to the same complaint though. I want a clean, tidy, unique and enjoyable environment and I don't want to have to do it all by myself or harass people into doing their part. I don't know why that's so much to ask. Maybe I'm the only one who cares about our home and making it nice and keeping it clean. I hope that's not true, but it really feels like it.